Assistance Needed

What a day! It’s only mid-week but I am knackered-good thing Hitch is on to help me unwind from a stressful day. I worked in North London and took a well-deserved saunter down Finsbury Park’s Fonthill Road on my way home. I bounded out of one shop after with my bargain purchases to hand and walked smack bang into a guy that I had been on one date with in the summer. I’d better explain what happened back then before I carry on...

So after I attended the first How To Attract and Meet a Good Black Man this year I thought I’d start slowly and try one of the tips that Des O’Connor said – “just say good morning”. That sounded relatively straight forward. So I popped into my local Tesco Express to buy some milk for my nutritious morning porridge and a cheeky chocolate croissant for elevenses. I breezed through the automatic doors and saw a tall, good looking brother stacking the fruit and veg ; how interesting, I thought and limbered up to deliver my killer line. I sauntered along the aisle faking an interest in the seasonal corn and the cob on offer while I chose my moment. He looked up from his task and I swooped by and hit him with a breezy “good morning” with a coy smile on my face and sashayed over to the magazine rack to check out the glossies before grabbing my milk and croissant.

After battling with the self check-out machine that there was no “unexpected item in bagging area”, no matter how many times it bleated at me, I made my way back out of the store. To my surprise the guy introduced himself and we had a very pleasant conversation. He turned out to be French West African, 31 and available. He asked for my number, but I said that I would give it to him if I see him again in the shop (I had yet to set up my man phone) and he said that he would love to take me out sometime.

Result, I thought as I tucked into my chocolate croissant on the walk home (I was deluding myself that it would survive until elevenses) and surprised that Des’s tips actually worked. To cut a very long story considerably shorter, I did go for a date with him but he really wasn’t my kind of guy and I didn’t particularly like his attitude. Since then I have spoken to him in the store and he has called at times, but I have not been out with him again. I have dropped huge hints that I am not interested (by using such classics as “I’m focusing on my career at the moment” and “I’m not really in a place to get involved with anybody” to the truthful, “I’m dating other people”) and I thought that he had got the message until this afternoon...

So I bumped into him (he lives in the area) and he started to follow me round the shops. Fine, it’s on him if he wants to follow a sista getting her clothes shopping on but he must have been bored witless. Then he started asking about my other dates (rival dates as he called them) to which I replied there’s no need for you to know. Then he pulled me to one side of the pavement to stare longingly into my eyes and declare that he really fancied me in a manner which revealed that he has watched one too many Nigerian movies. To this I replied “yes you’re not my type and there are plenty more fish in the sea. He was not having any of it. He asked me for specifics about why I didn’t feel as intensely as he did e I about me, so I told him that we are too different, he’s not my type and I just don’t fancy him. By this stage we had made our way to the tube station so I could head back east, but he was adamant that he wanted to sit down and talk about our relationship (?!), even though I told him that there was no point because I had already made my mind up about him, while he had apparently been planning our nuptials and lives together.

Now I didn’t like his attitude on the first date and I was hating his attitude now, especially as he seemed to be getting aggressive and frankly rude. And then he tried to lean in for a kiss. One swift and hard push on the shoulder soon put to bed that ridiculous notion.

I’ve hinted at, told him outright and he’s still not getting the message. Does anyone else have any ideas? I just think that he should take some advice from his checkout machines because this is one serious case of Assistance Needed.

Since writing this blog entry SistaSearching no longer shops at her local Tesco Express. She is now a CostCutters girl.

Lies, sweet little lies.

Hello again!

I was just checking my match.com profile to see if I should update my pictures and I thought back to some of my more recent dates:

There was a former boxer who was a wonderful match for me on paper – professional, similar family backgrounds and with a chocolate six-pack that you could grate cheddar on. We spoke on the phone and had a great vibe then he threw me a curveball down the mobile...
“Oh by the way I’m not six feet like I said on the profile”, he said as casually.
“Er, ok. Just for clarification how tall are you”, I replied, hurriedly logging on match.com to check out his profile.
“I’m five feet ten”.
“Oh, that’s ok. Cool I’ll see you on the date”, breathing a huge sign of relief that he over estimated by just a couple of inches rather than a couple of feet.

I met him for a date at Guanabara, a Brazilian club near Covent Garden, and he was 20 minutes late. I had opted to wear a cute halter neck top, skinny flares and gladiator sandals. When he finally arrived he looked good, but as he got nearer I realised that he was definitely not five feet ten inches, in fact he was barely taller than me. Granted my gladiator sandals gave me an extra inch of height so I was five feet and six and a half inches if I walked on the balls of my feet where the heels were at their highest, but we were basically the same height. In my opinion he was five feet seven at the absolute maximum.

What got me was the fact that he had had the opportunity to tell me what his actual true height was, but he had lied for the second time! This put me off of him instantly, but I remained my usual easy-breezy self to get through the date. I have never been the type of girl to have an ideal height for my ideal man but ever since this date I have now started paying attention to the alleged heights of my dates.

Now it would not be so bad if this had been the only time that it had happened to me but six weeks later, I went on a date with a very promising man originally from Trinidad who I had lots in common with and he was incredibly muscular in his profile pictures which is always a bonus. I ended up being late by about 30 minutes and he sounded a bit annoyed. I got off my tube train and raced through Waterloo train station searching high for my six-foot tall hulk of a date. I should have looked low. He was the exact same height as me and I was wearing my trusty gladiators again! Now I was annoyed. I couldn’t even be bothered to ask why he had lied on his profile. It’s just as bad as using the picture of a Hollywood star and claiming that it’s you!

For the record, I did go on a date with a black Italian guy who claimed to be five feet tall in his profile and he was five feet tall in real life. We got on but he smoked and I felt like the black Katie Holmes and I do not like the idea of my husband standing on a box for the wedding photos. I suppose I’ve found out that when it comes to height, even I have my limits.

I'm on a break!

Hi, I'm writing this having some much needed R & R at home because I definitely need a break from the dating scene just for a couple of days.

In the past three months I have been proposed to at least three times during first date or first meeting scenarios, had an offer of an all-expenses paid round trip to Australia and even a new life building a diving business in the Grand Cayman Islands, but I have yet to meet the right guy for me!

Although I date an awful lot the main problem is that I just either don't fancy many of the guys that I date or they are blatant desperadoes (you know what I mean).

It can get frustrating to get to know somebody by email, then on the phone and then to find out that there is no chemistry when you finally meet in person, but such is the dating game nowadays.

I'm going to relax right here on the sofa and surfing satellite tv. But I am expecting a heavy weekend next week with the How To Find A Good Black Man workshop part 3 at Marble Arch and also possibly a date with a guy that I've been emailing on match.com. I'll keep you posted ;-)